There are some things about myself that i don't like and wish i could change but could never seem to. Instinct, genetic tendencies, internal programming ... call it what you like, it's all the same. Some Inner directive force that acts without thinking and executes in a split second, barely enough time to redirect it or even channel it properly, leaving a bad nasty aftertaste in my mouth.
This is what would happen. I knew it and i wanted to express it but didn't want to seem pessimistic. that there wouldn't be time left in your life for me. that when the crunch comes and i would reach out for a hand to hold, a presence to hold me up when life becomes just a bit more unbearable than usual, you would not be there. and you'd have a really good reason and i would understand ... well, my head would but my heart (stubborn a s it is) would not ... because that is the way i am ... some part of me remains wild and untamed, no matter how domesticated i try to be.
And it's gonna be sore for a while, staying away and moping. coming just this side of close when called but never close enough to be caught, always ready to dance away to a bittersweet escape.
Disappointment is not a pleasant thing specially for those who try not to hope too much nor too soon.
So.
I am sorry for doing this.
But i am who i am
and that is pretty hard to change.
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